March 14, 2008 – Kolkata, India

Please, join us for another episode of Lemming One and Lemming Two… I have nothing to say in our defense. I don’t know how we could have been so stupid. All it would have taken is an extra minute of thought. They have it down to an art form though. Divide & conquer. Evy & I fell for it. Fortunately for Faisal, he was a little smarter. I don’t know if that made me feel more or less stupid – does1/3 of the group’s being smarter soften or emphasize the individual stupidity of the remaining 2/3?!
We were going to the Kali Temple, a temple known in the Lonely Planet for it’s goat sacrifices. As soon as we so much as approached the perimeter we had all sorts of wannabe tour-guides approach us. Worse than usual, it was beyond annoying. After wandering around the outside of the temple, shaking off our ‘guides’ as best we could, Faisal felt it unnecessary to go inside. Being eternally curious, and the true daughter of my mother (who can’t leave a single sign unread or object unseen once arrived at a tourist destination), I felt it important to at least briefly check out the inside. Evy & I would end up paying ‘through the nose’, as they say in German, for this supposedly simple desire.
We found ourselves a guide who seemed at least a little more legit, dressed in the full white of people who work at the temple. He rushed us through from one area to another – shoes off here, flowers for puja(offerings) there, push through crowd here, quick glimpse of 3-eyed goddess there, kitchens cooking food for poor people here, and of course, the goat sacrifice (as the goat was held above a suspiciously stained stone slab and got (sacrificial?!) paint rubbed onto it’s unwilling forehead, Evy & I were desperately hoping to avoid having to watch it’s imminent slaughter. Fortunately for us we were rushed along to the sin-washing pool before the actual event occurred – Faisal was disappointed).
At the sin-washing pool we were given wreaths of flowers, obviously used before, and were then brought one at a time to the statue near the centre of the poolside to offer them. Faisal went up first, Evy and I waited and discussed how much we ought to pay the guide. We weren’t sure. We decided that we’d discuss it with Faisal once we reconvened after. I was up next, once again rushed through the proceedings – now you put the flowers around the statue’s neck, now you hang earrings on it’s ears, now you pray for your family, now you pray for yourself & your friends, now you write down how much you want to donate to the poor people the temple takes care of… He hands me a little book. Hmmm. I wonder what a reasonable amount is. I look at the numbers in the book. It seems everyone has been donating amounts in the thousands. I see Rs 2500, Rs 4000, even Rs 5000. There’s the odd Rs 2000 and Rs1500. Still seems like a lot, thank god Faisal went before me, I can copy him. The guide stands on one side, his assistant stands on my other. Have to decide, have to decide. Faisal wrote down Rs 1000. Alright, I guess that seems decent. I’d been wanting to give some money to a charity here so the equivalent of approximately $30 isn’t too bad. I write down my name, give the money, and go to sit by Faisal. There is an Indian woman half-naked as she washes herself in the grungy looking water, and several boys are jumping in from the edge nearby.
Evy’s up. Faisal and I wait quietly, I still haven’t totally clued in to my stupidity until she comes back and asks me, in German, if I just donated a ridiculous amount of money ‘cause she just did and now she feels really stupid about it. Hmmm. We return to pick up our shoes, the guide asks for a donation. Faisal tells him that we’ve already donated a lot, the guide claims it was to charity. Faisal shrugs knowingly. We leave. ‘That was expensive’ he says as we depart.
‘I know, Rs 1000 is a lot!’.
‘What?!’ Faisal turns to look at us. ‘How much did you pay?!’
‘Rs 1000 each, which is what you were listed as paying!’. We all look at each other.
‘I put down Rs 100’ he says, ‘they must have added a zero’.
It turns out he’d seen the numbers too but realized that chances were high people weren’t ‘donating’ quite such hefty amounts. He’d thought about it and decided Rs 100 was expensive (typical temple offerings/guides would run you up anywhere between Rs10-30) and more than sufficient. Evy and I hadn’t thought about it enough, or when we did we thought about it in terms of Canadian money rather than Indian funds – always a mistake.
In retrospect, I really hope some of the money we ‘donated’ (equivalent of $60 between us) went to the poverty stricken people we saw around the area and that it was meant for. Whether it did or didn’t, Evy and I continue to wear the little red string they tied around our wrists at the temple as a little reminder of stupidity. Always think about what you’re doing.